Comparison- are you doing it right?

 

Let us consider a situation and decide who the better performer is.

Sagar and Tara walked a distance of 2 km. Sagar finished it in 25 minutes while Tara took 45 minutes. So clearly, Sagar wins. Right?

Adding to the details- Tara walked on coarse pathway while Sagar walked on flat lane- you will now say that Tara did better.

Oh! Did I mention Sagar is 115 kg while Tara is 65 kg- it is obvious that Sagar did better?

Now if I tell you that Sagar is 25 years old while Tara is 60 years old. Your answer will change to Tara!

So, it is apparent by the above instance that comparison is useless as situation or circumstances can never be the same for a fair judgment.

“Stop comparing yourself to others. You have your own race to run. Finish well.” ~ Moore

What is comparison?

Comparison is an act to assess two or more things or situations, taking into consideration their similarities and dissimilarities to determine their suitability for a particular purpose. Humans have the ability and habit to compare and find the best- be it situation, object or even people.

Why do we compare?

 We want the most excellent of everything and hence listing the benefits help decide better. At a shop, we compare two objects considering their price, quality, usage etc and then choose. Similarly to opt for the career path, we compare multiple options and then select what suits best in our life, taking into account talent, interest and capability.

Have you ever discussed- which vacation was better, whose birthday party was more fun, which restaurant serves tastier food, which train is more appropriate to board for a specific journey, etc.

So it is obvious that we can put side by side products and situations, but it becomes ethically off beam when we begin to weigh people against each other.

Why comparison is good?

·         Comparison tells us our deep hidden choices, likes and dislikes which we otherwise may not know.

·          If given a chance to select one out of many, we tend to choose what we really want.

·          It helps us identify our desires and requirements.

·         It assists to pick the finest for us.

·         It facilitates to prepare and consider future prospects.

·          It aids in upgrading our skills.

·         The precise conduct may help to discover inspiration.

Comparison of people

“Don’t compare your weaknesses to someone else’s strengths.” – Anonymous

Comparison is a double-edged sword. Besides some benefits can be availed of it, it has ill-effects as well.  The comparison of humans with each other is the worst form of judgment. Not everyone can figure the benefits from it leading to physical and psychological problems.

We disregard the fact that each individual is different. We have dissimilar talent, skills, nature, behavior, circumstances which makes any sort of comparison unfair. When we compare ourselves with others, we often tend to look at their strengths which may be our weakness, making us feel less worthy and sad. We fail to admire the qualities we possess.

 “Comparisons make you feel superior or inferior, neither serves a useful purpose.” –Jane Travis

Another significant occurrence to bring up here is how often parents compare their own childhood with that of their children.  We have heard our parents enlighten us about the troubles they faced all through their youth, how they survived without gadgets, family was preferred over friends etc. Reminding parents here that circumstances have changed a lot since then so it is irrelevant to discuss the past. If you hope to support your child, give them reason to believe in themselves, share experience and let them learn from your example.

Effects of human comparison

“Comparison drives you to the dead end of your dream, your vision and your destiny.” ― Eugenia Herlihy

Comparison of one person with another: whether it is parents comparing their child with someone or teens doing it themselves; is destructive.

·         It brings jealousy, resentment, hatred more than any encouragement.

·          While children will lose trust on parents, they may lose confidence in themselves.

·         The words spoken may have a long lasting impact on them. They may find difficult to deal with it as adults too.

·         Distraction from work and routine

·         Overlooking one’s own strength and talents, and focus on flaws.

·         Loss of identity. (Read article published earlier)

How to stop comparing yourself with others

“I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.” – Mahatma Gandhi

Be happy with yourself: your journey and progress is unique. You have crossed your own hurdles and are where you deserve.

Be inspired: you can find inspiration in someone, but comparing their success with your current struggle is not the right thing. Only self- improvement, motivation and right habits will take you further.

Add to your skill: discover your strengths and polish those. Work on your weakness but don’t let those come in way of your success.

Be grateful: practicing gratitude helps us in finding peace. Be thankful for all the good things in life, write a journal (already discussed in previous articles)

“Comparison with myself brings improvement, comparison with others brings discontent.” – Betty Jamie Chung

Take a break from social media: the world of social media makes the view of facts and false blurry. You are unable to decide the right and wrong and it easily makes you believe that someone else is having a fun life. Problems such as FOMO can be faced. (Read article on FOMO to overcome)

Compete with yourself: be the better version of yourself. Your journey is more important than that compared with others. Walking slow steps is better than staying inactive.

“Don’t compare your beginnings to someone else’s middle.” – Tim Hiller, ‘Strive: Life is Short, Pursue What Matters’