Raising new generation of males

 

Being a mother of daughters, I never got a chance to apprehend that parenting boys and girls can be so different. After a lot of observation, research and discussion with boy moms, I came up with this piece of writing.

National Girl Child Day is observed on 24 January which was initiated in 2008 by Government of India and ministry of women and child welfare. The idea behind this initiative was “Beti bachao, Beti padao”, which means- ”save the girl child, educate the girl child”.

This was started to bring awareness among people of the importance of girl child, the health and nutrition necessities along with their rights in the society. Various programs have made it possible for girls to grow and accomplish what they deserve, of course exceptions do exist. The patriarchal pattern still has some disparaging consequences for both men and women.

“I am not the woman president of Harvard; I am the president of Harvard.”

- Drew Gilpin Faust.

The globe today has need of a generation of boys who develop into considerate plus empathetic men and not agree to the gender discrimination of any nature. This cohort of boys will smash the pyramid of patriarchy. For that the seeds shall be sown now. A significant responsibility lies on the father- as they can be the ideal role model. Nevertheless it is the mutual obligation of the parents to make sure that gender bias ends at home first.

“Some things just cannot wait. Men must stand up now for women’s equality.”

- Rick Goings.

Father- a baby sitter or a co-parent

A father helping with various household tasks becomes a subject of thanks giving although we forget that they are co-parents and have equal responsibilities towards the family. Whatever they do- be it cooking, changing diapers or taking care of the house while mom is away is nothing to be glorified. 

This way fathers can teach adolescent boys that house and its responsibilities are equivalent. There is no gender based task. Cooking is nothing unusual if dad does it. Let’s normalize men taking care of chores instead of asking- is the woman away that you are cooking, or is she unwell? A healthy woman may not be doing regular chores for simple reason of having some me time, busy in office work or spending time with friends for a day.

If fathers make it ordinary, only then the boys will feel the same and not hype their small actions.

I am a gentleman

There is a difference between being a man and behaving like one. Being a gentleman is matter of strength, compassion and etiquette. No one has to behave in a rugged manner, or boast their masculinity to prove their manhood.

Understanding the concept of consent, self- control and discipline is mandatory to be a man in true sense.

If the sons are studying in an all boys school, or there are only men at home, in such cases it becomes all the more important for fathers and mothers to exhibit the acceptable behavior. Respecting women gives more respect to men. They are looked up to if they know how to behave with and in presence of women. Someone who can protect the dignity of women in her absence is a perfect illustration of a gentleman.

These habits are destroyer

Due to the existing pandemic situation in the world, teens are spending more time in their personal space, which has its own risks. But the universal problems with youth today- indulging in alcohol, substance or cigarette; abusing girls- porn, adult movies or involvement in unsafe sex (or without consent); showing off manliness by dangerous driving, fights, gamble and arguments.

Fathers have to make sure they educate the teenage boys that these practices don’t make anyone superior. A person exclusive of such a vicious lifestyle can be successful only if he is confident and not get into peer pressure.

Dealing with improper conduct

The age between childhood and adulthood has its own challenges.

·        ~  It is vital for parents to get talking with their boys. A conversation while driving, walking etc is always fruitful instead of a lecture.

   ~  ~ Find out their feelings before giving your opinion.

·          ~ Don’t expect a sudden change in them.

·         ~ Create an atmosphere where they feel comfortable discussing their thoughts and emotions easily.

·         ~ Stop punishment for young teens. Make tolerable and intolerable behavior clear.

·         ~ Try to accept the changes they need. Or explain the reason if not applicable.

·        ~  Don’t use age old inappropriate gender bias quotes such as “don’t cry like a girl”, or “don’t be shy like a girl”, or “be strong like a man” etc. These restrict young boys to express their emotions which lead to troubles.

·        ~  Stop covering their mistakes by saying “boys will be boys” or “boys do such things”.

Let’s stop gender-izing

We must have come across this riddle from Google:

A father and son are in a car crash that kills the dad. The son is rushed to the hospital where the surgeon says, “I can’t operate- this boy is my son”. Explain

This brainteaser enlightens how the patriarchal mindset is imbibed in us that when the answer is simple “mother”- we take time to guess. Our belief does not allow to think about the fact that surgeon can be a female.

In books as well it is taught that teacher is a female while doctor or policeman is a male. When explaining a mother- a housewife is shown whereas a man going to office is a father.

These illustrations add to the gender inequity. Obviously the young mind of children will learn these gender characteristics.

·         Blue is for boys and pink is for girls

·         Boys play with cars and guns while girls play with kitchen set and dolls

·         A girl needs to change her surname post marriage.

This shall be stopped.

A stay at home father is normal. A mother who is a doctor is also normal. Men are good chefs and teachers. Women are successful CEO and bankers. Female bosses are nothing to be offended of. The portion to empower girls, making them stronger and giving them information about their rights is done well. Now is the time to let boys recognize the gender impartiality.

“We’ve begun to raise daughters more like sons...but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters.”

- Gloria Steinem.